I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize