jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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