There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize