o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
