i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
