I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
