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I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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