New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
