Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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