I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This is my gift to your gina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
