Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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