I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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