I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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