I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
