So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
