you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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