i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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