I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
