brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
