I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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