blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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