I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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