ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
