what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
