the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
