closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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