This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
