There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
