U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
