Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
