This is not my ceiling
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
