kristin has been a bad kristin
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
