my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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