What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
