the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
