Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
