I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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