Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
