2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
