sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
