Plan B is the new Plan A
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
