he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize