i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
