Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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