...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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