girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
