do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
