Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize