if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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