i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
