my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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