how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
