I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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