I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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