so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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