If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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