So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize