sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
