Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
