somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
