I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
