i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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