You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
In America we eat man semen.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
