Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
