I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
