my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize