it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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