i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
