I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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