Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
