The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
