so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize