Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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