She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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