Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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