if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
