carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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