And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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