AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
