he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
