like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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