So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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