Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
