I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
