So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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