4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Having a random hookup so left but love u
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
