When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
