then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
