a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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